If there’s one thing I love more than fried eggs (besides clutch purses, kitchen utensil earrings, and 10 cent wing nights) it has to be a hot dog with a fried egg.
I’ll admit. I was naive and overzealous. Clouded by mine own girlish excitement, I neglected proper judgement and proceeded with nary any concerns for myself or the hot dog.
It didn’t end well and I’ll spare you the details (unless of course you’re drama hungry in which case quench your thirst here).
By the grace of age comes wisdom, mighty, glorified wisdom, to all things in life but most especially of those pertaining to the schooled art of eating a large, top-heavy hot dog.
It is no easy task and should neither be scoffed at or taken lightly. I could have dodged that fateful event had I known then what I know now.
So, because I love you and because I can’t stand the thought of you going through the pain and anguish I endured, I’ve constructed a step-by-step plan of attack for you to follow in your time of need.
1. Etch this in your mind: You don’t take losers. Only wieners.
2. Victory is of the utmost importance. But, shit happens. Scout out your nearest emergency exit path should you need to escape, just in case.
3. Look at the hot dog square in the face. Be strong about it. Let him feel your power.
4. Pick up the hot dog with purpose. Beam confidence. Should your facade slip, the hot dog will sense it and use it to his advantage.
5. Use your digits methodically. As you eat, be conscious of where your fingers are. Squeeze the bun just so to keep all the toppings harmoniously balanced but not so much as to squirt dog juice in your nostril.
6. Should a morsel of food flop to the side, stay calm. Coolly pick it up and eat it. After all, what’s more sexy than eating with your fingers?
7. Take your time and pace yourself. You’re not training to enter the fastest-hot-dog-eating challenge (unless you are in which case disregard all of these steps and instead adopt these in barbaric fashion: 1) chew 2) swallow 3) drink 4) rinse and repeat 257 times).
Armed with this knowledge, I hope to set you up for success next time you are faced with humungo hot dog.
Feeling inspired? Try this hot dog I made in memory of the one I had in Peru years ago. She’s a beer-marinated dog laden with a fried egg, pickled onions, and a special sauce called salsa golf, a mayonnaise-ketchup based condiment popular in South American countries like Peru and Argentina. For extra crunch, I let it rain with potato chip shards. Provecho!
Hot Dog a la Peruana with Fried Egg, Pickled Onions, and Salsa Golf
For the relish:
1 medium-sized red onion; cut in half then into half moon slices
2 ají amarillo; seeded and minced*
5-7 key limes; juiced (about 5 tablespoons)**
Salt and pepper to taste
In a small bowl, combine the red onion, ají amarillo, key lime juice, and salt and pepper. Let sit on the counter for an hour to pickle and soften.
For the salsa golf:
1/2 cup mayonnaise
2 tablespoons ketchup
2 ají amarillo, seeded and chopped roughly*
5 key limes; juiced (just enough to thin, about 3 tablespoons)**
Freshly ground black pepper to taste
In a food processor, mix together the mayonnaise, ají amarillo, ketchup, key lime juice, and black pepper until fully combined and the salsa turns a slight pinkish hue. Taste for seasonings. Set aside.
*Ají amarillo is a Peruvian chili pepper with mild, fruity notes. You can find them at your local latin american market or online.
**I like key limes for their true lime flavor and sweetness but if you can’t find them, use the best limes you can get your hands on.
For the hot dogs:
8 natural-casing hot dogs (I like Koegel’s Viennas)
2 bottles Negra Modelo beer or your favorite light/dark brew
1/2 yellow onion; chopped in half
8 hot dog buns; buttered, seasoned with salt and pepper, and toasted slightly
8 fried eggs
Potato chips; crunched for topping
Using the tip of a knife, score the hot dogs on both sides so it can suck up the goodness of the beer and onion broth better.
In a medium-sized sauce pot set over medium-high heat, dump in the two bottles of beer (liquid only, not the glass. Ouch.), onion segments, and hot dogs. Let it come to a slight boil then lower the heat to a simmer and leave uncovered to cook for about 1/2 hour. Watch it and make sure they don’t boil; you don’t want the hot dogs to burst.
Once they’re done, grill the hot dogs outside or inside using a grill pan with canola oil until brown and charred. It might help to dry the hot dog slightly after it’s beer bath, otherwise it will sputter when you grill it. I learned the hard way.
Fry the eggs.
Then, when you’re ready to eat put the hot dogs in the toasty buns, slather with salsa golf, red onion relish, top with the fried egg and then as a last touch, crush up some of your favorite potato chips and sprinkle it on top of the dogs (not Scooter and Miffie but the dogs on your plate).
Remember what we talked about? Okay, go show that hot dog who’s boss.
XO, Steph aka Hot Dog Aficionado
P.S. I forgot to mention that big stuff is happening with the blog within the next couple weeks. Stay tuned!